Real Talk – “Why Am I Here?” Part 2

I hated gym class when I was in school – mostly because they made us run – which I found particularly unenjoyable. But on one particular class that is forever stamped in my memory, I was surprised to find that I didn’t mind the laps we’d been told to run. In fact, I was actually having a good time. I’m not sure if my new gym shoes had anything to do with it, but I was feeling pretty good, and at one point I stopped looking where I was running and became fixated on my feet. Unfortunately, I realized my mistake too late, looked up, and ran directly into a post set up for the volleyball net. I got clipped on the side of my face, right beside my left eye. In fact, I still have a small scar there a visible reminder of what can happen when you don’t watch where you are going.

In this year of audacious, fervent pursuit of God – seeking after Him, wanting to know Him in a greater way, wanting to experience more of His Presence and His Power – I started running strong and focused. But somewhere along the way, just as I did in gym class, I managed to get side-tracked. In my pursuit, I took my eyes off the One I was pursuing and started looking at my feet – focusing on what I was doing, looking at how I was running, wondering if I should be doing things differently, doing “more”. Wondering why I was running on the path I was instead of somewhere else. I got caught up in the how and the why and lost sight of the Who, ending up in a pit of confusion and self-recrimination.

I wrote in part one of my post that I got trapped in a web of this kind – thinking that because of my broken past, I was prohibited from “fulfilling my calling”. I wasn’t “good enough” for God to use, at least not in the way He had originally planned. Believing that the direction my life had taken over the years, was proof that though God was putting my pieces back together and turning my broken into beauty for His glory, I’d still somehow been relegated to a “lesser” call than He had originally intended for me. I lost sight of where I was going. Lost sight of Jesus because I was looking at my own feet.

But the problem with taking our eyes off of the One we are in pursuit of is that we simultaneously lose sight of where we are going and we end up in places He never intended for us to go. Our focus shifts from our God and His ability, to ourselves and our own limited abilities. To our brokenness.

Brokenness in our lives can take so many different forms. Sometimes the breaks come as a result of things done to us – things out of our control – but they can also come because of choices we’ve made, actions we’ve taken, or even lies we’ve embraced as truth. The aftermath is that our brokenness can leave us not only wounded, vulnerable, and insecure, but wrapped in shame. And shame is one of the greatest tools the enemy uses to chain us to unworthiness and condemnation, so that we, in turn, exclude ourselves from God’s purposes. Believing that God somehow requires a perfection that we can’t provide. And suddenly, rather than see the map of golden threads in our lives that proclaim our restoration, we point to the pieces as proof of our disqualification. But as I said in my last post – what we see isn’t always the whole picture, of even the correct one. We need the Holy Spirit to illuminate Truth for us and help us to discern where the lies have taken hold.

In the midst of my anguish and my questioning, I can’t say that the sky parted or that I heard God speak in an audible voice – but His voice was clear. It wasn’t a sudden “aha” moment, His answer has come softer and more gradually. A dawning light and a gentle correction over the course of several weeks, instead of all at once. And I have come to understand some misconceptions that I grew up with. Language, actions, and attitudes used in the church that led to confusion and feelings of inadequacy, disillusionment, and frustration. I was able to see how I allowed my own experiences to shape what I believed as truth and just where the lies, wrapped up in the tiniest bit of truth, had been planted.

Lie #1: Calling is for perfect people, whom God has ordained to do important things.

“God has a call on your life.” These words were spoken to me and over me multiple times throughout the years and while the message wasn’t wrong, the words communicated an impression of exclusivity and heavy responsibility to me. In many of the circles I grew up in, people who were recognized as having “a call” were viewed as somehow special – better than the rest, destined to do “great things for God”. As a result, this “call” became a standard I needed to meet, a goal to strive for. Calling was presented as a destination that could be arrived at after certain hoops were jumped through – but also something from which you could be disqualified if you stepped out of God’s perfect will. Not that God couldn’t use you after that point, but it would be in a “lesser” capacity than He originally intended. I grew to understand calling required a level of perfection that did not allow for mistakes and in the desire to “fulfill my call” I became very hard on myself and fixated on measurable results.

This view of calling denies the impartiality of God and takes the focus off of God’s ability to use those He has called and turns it instead on our own ability to be qualified for God to use. It rejects that God can call anyone – from any background, with any past – and transform them into His image. It doesn’t allow for brokenness or imperfections; it leaves no room for repentance and restoration when we’ve gone astray. And I didn’t realize just how deeply I had embraced this lie until things came to a head this past month.

Truth #1 – Calling is for everyone – God will refine and equip anyone who accepts His invitation.

“Calling” isn’t something mystical or magical. It’s not something imparted to a select few or something to be earned or achieved. It’s simply an invitation to participate with God – in whatever He wants to do. The fact is that we have ALL been called by God. The call is simple, given through Jesus Christ: FOLLOW ME.

It’s an invitation to pursuit! To come with Him, to go where He goes, to do what He does. And taking up our cross is the key to accepting the call. Because the cross means death – to our old ways, to our own will, to our expectations and demand for perfection. It means surrender. It means acknowledging that His way is better.

To have “a call on your life” simply means that you said “yes” to Jesus’ invitation and are learning to walk in His footsteps.

Truth #2 – Calling is a journey, not a destination.

The call that God has placed on our lives is a journey, not a destination. It doesn’t rest on our attaining something, or on our perfection, but rather on our obedience. And if we are following Jesus, there is only one way to go – in pursuit of Him – and our own “goodness” or qualifications don’t factor into the direction that He’s headed.

My pastor recently used the word “assignment” to describe God’s plan for our lives, and I love that term. What I failed to understand about calling is that it isn’t a one and done deal – it’s an everyday acceptance of His invitation to join Him in the assignment He has for me for today. And assignments can change based on the situations and seasons we are in. Because God wastes nothing, and can use anything.

This leads me to the second thing that I’d gotten wrong: I’d embraced the belief that I wasn’t “in ministry” because my day to day occupation wasn’t missions or church related, didn’t have a platform, or a visible or “significant” reach. I was still looking for the “great things for God” and I dismissed my daily service as nothing of real impact or importance.

Yes, I was daily engaged in raising my boys to follow Jesus, be men of character and integrity, and discipling them in God’s Word, but that’s just responsible parenting, right? And yes, I serve at church, but that’s just being part of the community, right? I might encourage others in this, reminding them that their work and investment in their families, communities, and workplaces was important and valuable to God and others, but deep down, I didn’t really believe it for myself.

Lie #2: Everyone is called to ministry (but let’s be honest, it’s not real ministry unless it’s in a visible position of leadership or great responsibility with substantial impact).

Yes, I did grow up being taught that ministry was for everyone and that ministry was service that would look different for each person. But I’d seen so much over the years that seemed to invalidate this teaching. The underlying message that was perpetuated in how people spoke and acted in regards to ministry and those in positions of leadership, visibility, and authority was that there was ministry… and then there was ministry. And you were far more important if you were in the second category. People with position were in a different category than the janitor, the labourer, or the stay at home mom. They were people to be favoured, admired, and respected. And because that is what I deep down held to be true, I was always striving to someday be included among the elite ranks of those “in ministry”. I’d allowed the “call to ministry” to become my identity, rather than understanding what assignment God had given me. Because if I could just attain that elusive, lofty position, it would mean that God was finally pleased with me.

I couldn’t have been further from the Truth.

Truth #3 – Ministry is…SERVICE! Plain and simple.

Ministry isn’t something extraordinary. It doesn’t need a stage or a large influence – though it does sometimes encompass that – to minister is simply to serve. That can be done anytime, anywhere, and by anyone. And God sees every simple act of service that we do for Him and for His glory in the same light – no matter how big or insignificant it may seem to us.

Everyone has been called to minister – to serve – because that’s what following in Jesus’ footsteps looks like. Each person’s service will look different based on what season we are in, what gifts and abilities God has given us, and where He has assigned us. But one person’s service is not more valuable or admirable than another’s because of where they have been placed or what they do. God doesn’t assign status to discipleship. He only invites us to participate with Him and requires our obedience.

I learned this truth, I’d taught it, I even thought I believed it, but I didn’t realize how deeply embedded this lie was. How wrapped up it was with my own insecurities and identity. So, while I was discouraged, thinking I hadn’t achieved my calling to ministry, the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me all the ways – all the assignments, big and small – He had given me over the years. The places I’d said “yes.” He showed me how that right in the middle of my current season, I am in ministry. And more importantly, He showed me that He was delighted in me. Not because of my service, but just because He loves me and I am His.

King David was a man who began his life as a humble shepherd, a servant musician, and a fugitive before he became the leader of a nation. He was a man who was broken many times – sometimes by the actions of others and sometimes by his own choices and consequences. A man who was not perfect. A man who made grievous mistakes. And yet, God called David a man after His own heart. And it was through David’s line, riddled with broken and imperfect people, that Jesus came, establishing forever that God’s Love for us isn’t based on our own merit. He doesn’t look for perfection. He doesn’t call only the successful or the ones we would deem qualified or acceptable. He looks only for a heart turned towards Him, ready to say “Yes, I will follow You.”

The weight that has been lifted from me with a true understanding of these truths is indescribable. I feel able to breathe, to rest, to enjoy my current season in a way I never have before. But that is what PURSUIT of God does. It not only opens our eyes to see God in Truth, it illuminates us in the Light of the Truth as well.

So, wherever you are in your journey, I invite you to pursuit. To accept the call Jesus gives with hands outstretched to all who will hear, “Come, follow Me.” He requires only that we take the steps. Everything else for the journey, He will supply.

Until next time…