A couple of weeks ago we were at the library, restocking on our favourite treat – books. The littles were actually playing nicely in the children’s area and my older two boys were already fully ensconced in their newest collection of reading material, so I was collecting some books for the “twins” and couple for myself. As I was browsing the aisles, my husband called me over and held up a book and asked if I had read it. No Better Mom For The Job by Becky Keife. I hadn’t read it, but it has been on my “to read” list for over a year, so now that it was at the library, I decided to give it a go.
Wow. That’s all I can say. From the first sentence, I felt like I was sitting with an old friend and she was reading my mail! I was hooked and as I neared the middle of the first chapter, she said something that stopped me in my tracks. I literally had to stop and reread it three times! “Stop rehearsing the hard.”
Ok, so you might be wondering what that even means, but in the book she was talking about how we all have things that make up our “hard” and sometimes those things can seem never ending and exhausting. Focusing on all the hard things, the tantrums, the 100th fight you break up between siblings in a day, the never ending to-do list, the long hours and dwindling resources, and feeling overlooked, underappreciated and overwhelmed can become a loop of self-pity, complaint, and ingratitude that plays in our heads. Somewhere along the way it can become the inner monologue of our self-talk and it can choke out the joy in our lives, shadowing all that we do, making way for seeds of bitterness to take root. When the negative, the difficult, and the overwhelm becomes our focus it becomes all we see.
When I read her words, I actually had to put the book down to digest. I needed to take stock of my own life and I realized that I was “rehearsing the hard” something fierce. And the stress of all that has been on my plate over the last several months had stolen my attention so completely that it had crowded out joy. My internal monologue wasn’t so internal anymore either, spilling out in my attitude, words, and actions. These words arrested me in my tracks. The fact is that the hard in our lives is all too easy to see and hear. How many of us carry around something hurtful that was said or done to us years ago, but have forgotten hundreds of good things that have happened in between? But how do we change that? Gratitude is the key. When we lose sight of the goodness of God, when we stop taking time to be thankful, that’s when we get sucked into the void of negativity and despair.
My husband and I recently started watched the first episode of Limitless, Chris Hemsworth’s new TV series and I found it fascinating. In the series, Hemsworth is looking to find ways to improve his health and longevity and completes different challenges to test himself and find new skills and techniques that will help him achieve those goals. The first episode deals with stress (spoiler alert), its effects on our physiology, and how a sustained stress response can cause damage to the body and mental/emotional health over time. As we all know, stress is ever present in our daily lives and while we do what we can to try and reduce or avoid situations that induce our stress response, we can’t escape it completely. To that end, we need to learn better ways to deal with the stress that we have, so that it no longer elicits the negative effects that can cause damage.
During the episode, Hemsworth was taught some tools to lower his stress response in the midst of a stressful situation, so that he could think more clearly and respond more calmly, culminating in a challenge that had him walking across a crane beam, stretched from a building 900 feet in the air. What I found so interesting is that when he started to walk out on the beam, his stress response kicked into high gear and was almost paralyzing, but when he took the time to stop and employ some of the things that he had been learning prior to the exercise, he was able to calm that response and before he came off the beam, he had lowered his breathing and heart rate and was able to relax and enjoy the view on the walk back.
What happened? Did his circumstances change? Most definitely not – he was still 900 feet above the ground, the same danger present, the same distance to cover. What did change was his perspective. He went from focusing on the danger and the fear to shifting his mindset and managing his body’s response. THAT is what thanksgiving can do for us.
Thankful in anything. This has been my go-to scripture through hard times and it reminds me to take everything to God in prayer. But even more than that, it reminds me to look for the goodness of God. That is what I can give thanks for when everything around me is going wrong, when I’m exhausted and worn out, when I feel burdened and overwhelmed. I can look back and see where God was faithful. Where He has provided. Where He has carried me and walked with me. And in doing that, my eyes are no longer focused on my problems. And the giants seem to shrink a little. Because what comes after the prayer, the petition, and the thanksgiving? Peace. Peace in the middle of the mess! Peace that doesn’t make sense! Colossians 3:15 says “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”
Now, I am not talking about adopting the gospel of perpetual positivity or denying reality! Walking around saying life is rosy and everything is fine is living in delusion. Nor am I saying that we should not be honest about our feelings and the hard things in our lives. What I am saying is that we need to acknowledge our circumstances, our emotions, our “hard”, but then shift our perspective from focusing solely on those things. If you read the Psalms you can see that David didn’t shy away from his honest feelings – but he took them to the Lord. He is the One with shoulders broad enough to carry anything that we unload on Him. The other thing you will notice is that often after pouring out his heart, there was a shift in David’s words. He would begin to remind God of His faithfulness. Remind Him of His salvation. Did God forget and need reminding? No. But in speaking about these things to the Lord, David reminded himself. He rehearsed the good.
One of my favourite stories in the Old Testament is the one recorded in 1 Samuel 30. David and his men had returned to their home from a battle, exhausted and ready for food and rest, only to find that the Amalekites had attacked while they were away, burned their city and taken their families as captives. They were overcome with grief and his men, in their state of overwhelm, threatened to stone David for their losses. David was definitely in “the hard”, but I love what vs 6 says, “But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God”. Then he sought God’s direction and by following God’s leading, brought their people and the spoils home.
David could have gotten “stuck”, and like his men, stayed in a state of lament. But he chose to remember the goodness of God. The Hebrew word used for strengthened here is chazaq and one of its meanings is to conquer. Gratitude is a discipline that like any other lasting practice has to be cultivated. It will take work to make it a habit. It will take a conquering of our outlook.
As we enter the busy Christmas season, I have been thinking on this a lot. Heading to the end of the year, a hard year, and being faced with the chaos of all this season tends to bring is difficult. Maybe the giants are big. Maybe the provision seems short. Maybe health and family are floundering. And the shadows grow long as the sun disappears. The hard is very real. And it’s been playing on repeat in your head, clouding your vision, shrouding your heart. And unfortunately, when things are heavy, the weight pulls our gaze downward. But I want to encourage you to look up.
Look up! At the night sky filled with stars. Each star a promise of descendants given to an old man who had no heir. Look up! At the same night sky that filled with hosts of angels to announce the birth of the Rescuer that the world was waiting for. Look into the manger and remember the Gift that was given for you on that night so long ago. Look back. And remember the times that He has brought you through. Remember all the places of His provision and His grace. The ways that He has carried you through. And while where you are right now might not be a good place, feel the heart beating in your chest, listen to the sound of your breath, and recognize that your life is a gift. Rehearse the good. And while the hard may not change in the moment, the raising of your eyes and your hands lifts burdens.
To rehearse means to say again, to repeat, to practice. You may have heard the saying, “Practice makes perfect”. I disagree, but as I always tell my children, practice does make better. Practice makes progress. So, as we near the end of this year, I have given myself a challenge. To practice rehearsing the good. Every day. Taking one day at a time, one moment at a time. Looking intentionally for the Goodness of God in the midst of the hard and opening my mouth in thanksgiving. Even when I don’t feel like it. Would you join me in this challenge? Will you choose to rehearse the good as 2022 comes to a close? I hope you will. I hope that as we look up, the Light of the World fills our senses, lighting up the dark wherever it may reside. And in the process, may we rediscover JOY.
Of Shattered Things 