We just returned from a wonderful 10 day vacation to Oahu, Hawaii with our 4 and 6 year old boys. And when I say wonderful, I do mean that! We did some fantastic things, had fun family adventures and made some unforgettable memories, but let me also be real here. There were some really rocky moments!!!
We’ve all seen it. We’ve all done it. Smiling, happy faces. Fun activities. Beautiful weather. Exotic food. Stunning scenery. The good stuff. That’s what family vacation photos on social media typically look like, right? Especially the ones with children in them. I used to look at them and think that people must just have really well behaved, happy kids in general, or at least ones who were so excited to be on vacation that they were pleasant and cheerful, enjoying every moment and appreciating the sacrifices their parents had to make to get them there (Ok, ok…don’t fall out of your chair. It wasn’t that funny).
Sure, maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but how many of you have had similar thoughts because of what we’ve seen on social media? How many of us have made the mistake of thinking that someone else has the perfect ______ (hair, body, kids, marriage, friendships, life, etc.) simply because of what we see presented? We forget that social media is a stage, on which everyone is an actor. We don’t always get the glimpse backstage, so allow me to provide one for you. The truth is that travelling with kids, especially young ones can be a nightmare! Especially if you are not prepared. And don’t just take my word for it – you can ask every other parent who has done it and they will tell you the same thing (unless of course, they are the parents of the extraordinary, angelic children I referenced earlier).
Now, I know my Facebook posts only reflected the highlights of the trip, which of course are happy moments, but what you didn’t see were the realities of travelling with children. The moments that make you think you are going to need a vacation from your vacation simply to recover from the trauma of your vacation! The ones where you respond in a way that leaves you feeling like the worst parent EVER and keeps you up late at night, replaying the scenes over and over in your mind with regret. Those are the ones that rarely get seen by others. And definitely not the ones we share on our social media platforms. So, I am going to lay it all out for you and give you a few tips from my own experience on how to navigate the wonderful world of travelling/vacationing with children. Here is what you didn’t see:
- the effects from lack of sleep – (take what you normally see at home when this happens and multiply it by 100! Oh, and add in a huge crowd of travel weary, judgemental spectators watching how you handle it, just for kicks)
- the effects of time change – if you are travelling across time zones (yeah, this is a fun one – don’t expect to sleep for several years when you get home)
- the effects of change in routine/surroundings – this one is especially magnified for those children who are true creatures of habit or those that don’t handle change well (read ALL CHILDREN ON THE PLANET!)
- the “whine” – yeah…I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one – if you are a parent, you get it!
- the sensory overload – think “Squirrel!” but in 360 degree surround – everything you see, hear, smell, taste and touch (all things which must be done immediately and simultaneously). Be prepared for when they hit “the wall”. It’s not pretty, folks.
- the sudden inability to hear – this was a previously unknown by-product of travel for children that I was not aware of. When you leave your house to go on vacation, your children will be struck temporarily deaf to the sound of your voice at lower volumes. Fortunately, in most cases the malady resolves once they are back at home in familiar surroundings, though you may experience random re-occurrences (for some of you, your children are already afflicted, so just be prepared to yell louder than normal). Bring lozenges to soothe your sore throat.
- the “MELTDOWN” – I don’t think I need to explain, but if you haven’t yet experienced one, think “Code RED”, battle stations, and lots of collateral damage. It’s the culmination of all of the above. It’s the childhood equivalent of your much more evolved adult “I’ve had enough!” Recommended: confidence in your ability as a parent, the super powers of patience and self control, and a cloak of invisibility to protect you from the disapproving stares of onlookers and fellow travelers. (THIS. This was us. Our flight landed late, giving us less than an hour to disembark, travel all the way across the galaxy – if you have been to the Vancouver airport, you know what I am talking about – to Canadian customs, then alllllll the way back across the galaxy to go through security AGAIN, and then off to whatever distant gate they have appointed for departure. Needless to say, my youngest decided to enact the “meltdown protocol” as we were waiting to disembark from our plane and refused to go anywhere unless he was carried (while we had hands full of luggage)!!! All this was communicated through repetitious demands, delivered with incessant, high-pitched screaming, an inability to comprehend anything spoken to him and lots of tears. Oh, and did I mention, that security was backed up at least 20 minutes and we didn’t have time to grab breakfast in between like we had planned? Thankfully, they delayed our departing flight 15 minutes to make sure we all made our connection. We boarded at minute 14.5. After being awake for almost 24 hours, my response in all of this was less than gracious should probably be filed under “I am so glad that he is only 4 and will probably never remember this”.
So, you see – our trip was not without its challenges. Challenges aside, I am so grateful for our vacation together and I’m actually pretty impressed with how well my boys did do, all things considered. Through it all I came away from this trip having learned a lot about myself, my kids and things to improve going forward. Here are a 6 things I will remember for next time that may be of some help to you as well:
- Travel light. Packing minimally can be a huge help in making your travelling experience with children better, especially if you are flying. If you have laundry available at your destination, this can help you cut down on what you need to take. It also counts how you pack. We managed to pack for 10 days for the 4 of us in 2 carry-on suitcases, a back pack and a tote bag (plus the boys carried their own travel pillows and a mini back pack with a couple of books inside). In retrospect, I could have downsized further (I’m a woman – I need options right? Hah. I never even wore the “extras” I brought). There are a ton of articles and videos online with great tips for packing, so you can pick the ones that work best for your family.
- Stay hydrated. Whether you are flying, driving, or on-the-go sightseeing, drinking plenty of water (and having it easily accessible) can make all the difference between a bad day and a good one. Our bodies need to stay hydrated to keep us at our optimum (which, as a parent you need to be on vacation) and I have found this to be especially true for our littles. Taking along a few refillable water bottles is also more economical and will help you avoid purchasing over-priced water. Just remember to leave those bottles empty until you pass through security at the airport, if you are flying.
- Take snacks. This one is almost as important as hydrating for kids. There are few things as frustrating as the constant refrain of “I’m hungry!” every few minutes. (Please note that dismissing said refrain for too long may lead to the meltdown stage.) By planning ahead and packing healthy snacks to take along, you will likely have a much more enjoyable experience. If you are flying, be sure to check that your snacks are accepted items that can pass through security.
- Stay calm. Easier said than done, I know. When travelling or in new surroundings, our stress level is already heightened. Throw in some kids and this can escalate quickly. Like they tell you in the safety briefing on every flight, take care of yourself first, then assist others. Stop. Take a deep breath. And stay calm. If you present a calm and respectful demeanor, you will diffuse any potential “situations” much more quickly (this goes for dealing with other adults, including your spouse too :).
- Create space. Too often, our vacations are packed full of activities. Remember to allow for “down time” to help your kids process all the new stimuli they are receiving. As adults, we enjoy “down time” when we need it, but children often don’t recognize when they are hitting sensory overload and they need us to create space to reset. We still did a ton of activities, but found that the days that we allowed more “breathing room” were the days we were able to enjoy most as a family.
- Communicate. Communication is key and even though we had our struggles this trip, I know there are a lot of situations we avoided by communicating with our boys. Take the time to explain things to your kids (having a child who struggles with anxiety, it really helped him to talk through what to expect when we got to the airport, going through security, boarding the plane, etc.) . Be clear in your guidelines, expectations and consequences. Remember that communication is a two-way street – take time to listen to their thoughts or concerns and answer their questions as well. When we forgot to be more intentional in communicating after arriving in Hawaii, that’s when things became more challenging. We had to call a family meeting in the middle of the week to reset. That was very effective and left us wondering why we hadn’t done it sooner!
If there was one other thing I would say to parents who are about to embark on vacation with their kids, it’s this. When things don’t go the way you planned or become difficult, Relax. Remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Yes, there will always be the people casting judgement on your parenting or your kids’ behavior, but they don’t make up the whole. As I learned from conversations with many other parents I encountered on this trip, you might be surprised at how much support and empathy there is to go around. So, cut yourself some slack. Tune out the worry about what others are thinking and focus on your kids. That’s what they really need anyway. And then… ENJOY YOUR VACATION! 🙂
“Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey.”
~Babs Hoffman~
Of Shattered Things 